completely nonsensical and tizzy since 1984
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I know I’ve been gone a lot lately but this past Friday I had my chemo session and I’m still rather out of it. Fortunately my pain meds got sorted out and I’m typing this on some hydrocodone as we speak.

Phillipe is officially on hospice today and he’s scrambling to get what he wants out to people he wants before he dies and, more importantly, keep it all out of the hands of his son who is a relentless douchebag. (The asshole broke into his father’s house when he knew he wasn’t there to steal and rifle and make a mess. Good job, stealing from someone with terminal cancer. You’re a real prince.)  Not that the rest of P’s family isn’ t a bunch of winners. When we told most of them of his ER visit the first question most of them asked is, “Where is the car title?”

UGH. Both my mother and I wash our hands of them the moment he passes. We’ll let them squabble like the vultures they are. We don’t want or need anything from Phillipe. He’s family.

Gramp’s funeral in Philly went all right. I cried like a baby and there were no religious services because he wasn’t that religious but the flag-folding ceremony got to me. It’s still strangely quiet in the house now.

The flights on the other hand were TERRIBLE. I flew United at such short notice and I was abandoned repeatedly even though I opted to fly disabled. Several times my wheelchair didn’t show up or the person in charge of getting me from one gate to another abandoned me completely. I was also laughed at and ridiculed by a flight attendant. It was not fun. We will be writing a nasty-gram to them and a report to the Americans with Disabilities Act.  It was something I really wasn’t in the mood for especially with how badly I was hurting.

For those of you who don’t know I get spinal and joint pain as a side effect from chemo. It’s rougher if I have to sit upright for periods longer than a half hour. I am usually reclined or laying down at home on a heating pad. Well, despite bringing heating pads and reclining my chair as much as it can in a plane, after the first 2 hour flight I was crippled up before my transfer. Even my pain meds weren’t cutting through it. It was a miserable experience—which is a shame because I love to fly and travel.

But that’s it. That’s everything. I miss all of you like crazy and I’ll probably post more pictures of knitting later because I stress-knit. I think it’s because when I’m stuffed in a situation where nothing I do can change the outcome or feels productive, I like to grab onto a hobby where I can visibly see progress and keep my hands busy. IDK mang. I love you all.


Posted 1 week ago | 5 comments


I’ve only had four periods since September.

Posted 3 weeks ago


A minty cool breeze on my arse.

Posted 3 weeks ago | 2 comments
Super tired. Working on racoon eyes. NEW FLORAL SHIRT THO.

Super tired. Working on racoon eyes. NEW FLORAL SHIRT THO.

Posted 3 weeks ago | 4 comments


Had a heart attack scare. I’m waiting for my blood tests to come back but I had a pulsing chest pain, dizziness, headache and cold sweats. Mom thinks it was just indigestion or stress.

My grandfather just came home from the hospital with hospice care. We set up a hospital bed and an oxygen machine that is loud and constant in its rumbling. Gramps is happy to be home and we are happy to have him. Mom is taking it the hardest of all. And her boyfriend, who has stage 4 terminal cancer, seems to have gotten resentful for all the attention Pops is getting.

He had chemo today and is /finally/ on antidepressants. That’ll do all of us some good.

I’m tired as heck and I miss you all.



Posted 1 month ago | 6 comments

Chemo is kicking my butt.

But at least I’m making progress on my reading and sock knitting.

Posted 1 month ago | 5 comments


And the hand-knit safe ones that are free of elastics and rubbers are too expensive so I guess it’s time to learn how to knit socks!

Posted 1 month ago | 2 comments
By that reasoning I’m one of the coolest!

By that reasoning I’m one of the coolest!

Posted 2 months ago | 1 comments

Fuck it.

I’m awesome. Who cares if I pooed the floor. Life goes on. Shitting the bed apparently even won me a follower.

Posted 2 months ago | 2 comments

Weeping gently cause I just shat the bed.

I have to walk through my mother’s room to get to the only restroom and my diapers and I haven’t needed them in so long and her boyfriend is staying over and I hope I didn’t drip on the floor and I have no control of my body…

Posted 2 months ago

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